So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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