I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
