she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
