I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
