I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
