i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize