Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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