dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
