I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize