i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
