He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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