Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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