i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
