the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
