it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
