ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
