don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
