ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
