Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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