I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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