I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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