I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
