also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
