That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When are your genitals available?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
