i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
