Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
