My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
