Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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