we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
