is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
