I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
