i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
