She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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