Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
