While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
