HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
