No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
