dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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