Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
