...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
