I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
