Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
