i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize