I bet he comes in French.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
