I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize