Plan B is the new Plan A
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
