if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
