Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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