ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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