Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
