Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
