How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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