You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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