I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
