So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
