where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
