Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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