In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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