I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
