No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
