Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
