So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
