I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
