I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
