In the future we'll all be gay
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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