I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
