last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
