why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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