So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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