Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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