the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
