it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
