I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
