Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
